US Tele-Medicine Blog » love

Perfecting Your Companionship

admin — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 22:53:42 +0000

Everyone wants a healthy body. But what is supremely desirable and necessary for optimal health and contentment are daily feelings of peace and rewarding emotions. In this area, the foundation of a fulfilling, intimate relationship rests on you and your companion feeling satisfied and happy about how you relate to each other.

Men and Stress

Men usually don’t like to talk about their feelings of worry or sadness — not even with wife and family. At an early age, a man’s self-esteem becomes tied to his accomplishments in life. And, later, his self-esteem becomes dependent on his ability to provide for himself and his family.

Consequently,

when a man loses his job or can’t get work, it detracts from his mood and self-esteem. Added to the approximately 6 million American men who are diagnosed with depression each year, many times more men suffer silently with mild depression and lack of enthusiasm. They also lack sexual passion.

I have observed that when a man becomes somewhat numb to his own feelings and the feelings of others he becomes less loving and more unattractive. If you pay attention to his non-verbal behavior (facial expressions and body language), you can see subtle demonstrations of stress, worry, unhappiness or discontent written all over his face — despite his attempts at occasional forced, socially acceptable smiles.

I have also found that a man will report feelings of despair, worry or discontent in his marriage to a trusted male friend but not to his wife. These feelings are also often expressed in symptoms like stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, chronic back and joint pain or lack of sexual desire. No one can remain in a state of negative emotions for too long and stay in good physical health.

Woman Reaching Out

Women generally react differently to distress. They often have a lot to tell but no one to listen. However, they eventually find an audience to hear them out about their emotional pain. Talks with parents, family or girlfriends usually offer an outlet for feelings to flow. Husbands who truly know how to listen are best, but such men are rare. Most men just have not developed the art of listening to women.

And while men favor quick answers, women don’t want their pain to be minimized by a rapid resolution. They want emotional validation. Given time to work through their feelings, they eventually are receptive to solutions.

The most important underlying contributor to depression or reduced passion for women consists of perceptions of not feeling fully accepted and unconditionally loved by their significant others. Supportive statements by companions can build confidence. Insulting observations can destroy it.

Ongoing verbal, physical or sexual abuse can often lead to clinical depression. Statistics from the Cleveland Clinic show that 10 times more women than men are diagnosed with depression. This stems from the fact that women are much more willing to verbalize their emotions and seek out help from licensed professionals.

For most women, relationships are crucial to feelings of self-worth. (For most men, self-identity depends primarily on accomplishments). Women usually maintain relationships with all the people in their lives as well as with their homes, cars, kitchens and even the clothes they purchase. So when relationships become unhealthy, then they are not truly healthy. Over time, this eventually shows up as physical illness — weight gain, headaches, fibromyalgia, arthritis or other chronic pain, digestive illness, insomnia, excessive sleeping or fatigue.

Beliefs

Your self-destructive thoughts, which crystallize as beliefs over time, are the root causes for unhappiness. It is very important that you don’t give in to them. They are true for you only if you accept them.

When a sour feeling arises out of a particular thought, then you should recognize that this thought is out of alignment with your truth. Negative feelings grow out of the dissonance or contrast between what is true for your happiness, and a current thought that triggers a negative emotion. For example, think about what happens when you worry about what the future may or may not hold for you. You become more worried. Not only do you experience the initial level of worrying, you also attract more of what you are worrying about.

Feeling frustration with a problem is OK for a moment, but you mustn’t let the frustration linger. Otherwise, frustrating thoughts can spiral you into a cascade of increasingly troubling thoughts, leading to overwhelming uneasiness. It’s easier and more productive to weigh many different solutions to your situation rather than staying focused on the frustration. You also need to remember that there is always something to learn from these types of situations.

Keep in mind that the thoughts that trigger negative feelings are the cause of the problem, not the negative feelings themselves. The negative feelings are your innate guidance system telling you something has gone wrong with your thoughts in that moment.

If you really take a look at this, you’ll discover a grand key to happiness: You can choose to cling to only the thoughts that bring you good feelings and dismiss all the ones that trigger emotional pain for you.

For example, the thought (and eventually the belief) that a loved one is angry with you brings negative emotions. If you focus on this thought, notice the feelings it creates. Now shift to thinking that this loved one is in fact happy with you, but is struggling with something else and that the situation will work out satisfactorily. Observe the good feeling this alternative perspective produces.

This innate system of feelings is your key to remaining happy and your guide in your companionship. Let your feelings be the feedback to your thoughts. Do not let your thoughts continue to keep you in a state of emotional suffering.

Source for Story:

http://www.easyhealthoptions.com/alternative-medicine/perfecting-your-companionship/?rmid=2011_11_07_EHD_[E11756595]&rrid=389282190

A Happy Marriage Is Shown To Be Heart Healthy

admin — Fri, 02 Sep 2011 18:01:06 +0000

Individuals in satisfying marriages can probably attest that their relationships bring them feelings of joy and happiness. Now, researchers at the University of Rochester’s School of Nursing report that a good marriage may also promote heart health.

In a study of 225 coronary bypass patients, a team of scientists found that being in a healthy marital union significantly increased an individual’s chances of survival 15 years after the operation.

Women who were happily married had an 83 percent chance of being alive 15 years after their bypass surgery, compared to 28 percent of females in unhappy marriages and 27 percent of single women. The survival rate for men in satisfying relationships was 83 percent, compared to 60 percent in men that were married but not happy and 36 percent of single men.

“Coronary bypass surgery was once seen as a miracle cure for heart disease,” said lead author Kathleen King. “But now we know that for most patients, grafts are a temporary patch, even more susceptible to clogging and disease than native arteries. So, it’s important to look

at the conditions that allow some patients to beat the odds.”

According to Health Central, an estimated 500,000 bypass surgeries are performed each year in the U.S.

Source for Story:

http://www.easyhealthoptions.com/alternative-medicine/a-happy-marriage-is-shown-to-be-heart-healthy/?eiid=&rmid=2011_09_02_EHD_[E11102129]&rrid=389282190

Medical myths: Bizarre, but true…

admin — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 18:09:17 +0000

Fat people are jollier

Ever since Falstaff, fatness has been associated with jollity. According to psychologists at Lakehead University in Canada, the “jolly fat” hypothesis might actually be true, at least among women. Not only have they found a link, they suggest a mechanism, too: estrogen.

They put forward the idea that body fat protects women again negative moods. In other words, the fatter a woman is, the less depressed she gets.

In the two-part research, the team looked at Body Mass Index (BMI), a measure that takes into account

both weight and height, and compared it with mood in a group of young women. They found that the higher the BMI and body size, the lower the number of symptoms of depression, anxiety and negative mood. In fact, the most depressed were all thin, while the largest were the least miserable.

For explanations, the psychologists turned to biochemical research that suggested the possibility of a link between oestrogen and mood, and the brain chemical, serotonin, the target of widely used antidepressant drugs. They say very potent oestrogens are primarily found in fatty tissues, suggesting that women with higher body weight may have higher levels.

Love could be cured

Is there a cure for love sickness? Researchers at the University of Alabama and Tabriz Medical University in Iran found that melatonin and vasotocin might just do the trick.

Intense romantic love is associated with specific physiological, psychological and behavioural changes, including euphoria, obsessiveness, and a craving for closeness with the target.

Some researchers believe such love is a specific emotion, separate from physical sex drive, which works through parts of the brain associated with the reward system, and that the brain chemical dopamine is heavily involved.

The key is the pea-sized pineal gland, which produces melatonin. This hormone plays a key role in the circadian cycle. It has also shown anti-dopamine activities in part of the brain, while a second hormone, arginine-vasotocin, also has a key role in romantic love. The researchers suggest that giving the two hormones may be a cure for non-returned romantic love.

Showers are bad for the brain

Manganese is a metallic element that gets into water after contact with rocks and minerals in the ground. It’s a natural compound and is also found in low levels in foods such as green vegetables, tea and cereals.

The levels in the UK have been investigated a number of times, but in most research the levels found in drinking water have been judged to be too small to have an effect on public health.

When high levels of manganese are breathed in rather than drunk, however, it can have a disastrous effect. Occupational health researchers have found that when miners and battery workers inhale manganese, it can lead to manganism, a condition similar to Parkinson’s disease. Symptoms of this condition can include lethargy, tremors, mental disturbances, and even death.

Researchers at Wake Forest University School of Medicine say that while agencies have worked out safe regulatory levels for eating, drinking and inhaling manganese, no one has looked at the effects on the central nervous system from inhaling aerosols while showering with manganese-contaminated water.

“At first glance, this may seem to be a trivial delivery vector,” they say. “Nonetheless, extrapolating animal data suggests that it may actually be a serious public health consideration.”

They say that compared to eating and drinking, inhaling is far more effective at delivering manganese to the brain. The report says that any manganese that does get through to the brain may have a cumulative effect, and it’s suggested that some groups, including the elderly, pregnant women and people with mineral deficiencies such as anaemia are at increased risk from absorbed manganese.

Dogs give women breast cancer

Analysis of breast cancer cases by researchers at the University of Munich showed that patients with cancer of the breast were significantly more likely to have kept a dog than a cat. In fact, 79.7 per cent of all breast-cancer patients had regular contact with dogs before they were diagnosed. Only 4.4 per cent of the patients did not have pets at any time, compared to 57.3 per cent of a healthy control group. This, according to the researchers, shows a 29-fold increased risk for pet owners.

The researchers also point to another study in Norway, which reported a very high level – 53.3 per cent – of breast cancers in 14,401 dogs. The team then tried to isolate a virus that could be common to both dogs and humans.

The one they homed in on is the mouse mammary tumour virus or MMTV, which triggers breast cancer in mice, and has been investigated for possible links to human breast cancer. The theory is that dogs, and possibly other pets, harbour and transmit MMTV or MMTV-like viruses that can induce human breast cancer.

According to the researchers, the theory may help to explain why women from the Far East are at greater risk of breast cancer when they move to Western nations, because Asian or Oriental women seldom keep dogs as pets.

Nuts cure toothache

In the honourable tradition of self-experimentation, Charles Weber from North Carolina put his oral health on the line when he tried cashew nuts as a cure for a tooth abscess. He based this on research showing that gram-positive bacteria, which cause tooth decay, acne, tuberculosis and leprosy, are killed by chemicals in cashew apples, cashew shell oil, and probably cashew nuts.

The idea is that the active chemicals in the nuts are anacardic acids, which appear to be active against Streptococcus mutans, the tooth decay bug, in test-tube experiments.

According to Weber, the acid can be lethal to bacteria in 15 minutes: “I have made raw cashew nuts the main part of my diet for 24 hours on four occasions, and have eliminated an abscessed tooth each time. There were no obvious side effects. A fifth time required several days. It is possible that just eating a couple of ounces each day for a week or so would also work, and might avoid any intolerance or allergy to cashew nuts.”

Sunny days make men violent

Beware of testosterone-fuelled leaders and violent men in the summer. Watch out especially in August, the peak time of the year for starting wars and invasions, as well as for individual acts of aggression, from assault and rape to aggravated burglaries.

In the research, a team from Ben-Gurion University in Israel analysed data on violent and non-violent crimes from four continents, and historical records for the starting dates of more than 3,000 wars or acts of hostility.

Results for individual violent offences did show a pronounced annual rhythm. In the Northern Hemisphere, violent crime peaked in July and August, and was at its lowest from December to February. In the Southern Hemisphere, the reverse was true, with a peak in December-January and a low point in June and July.

The researchers found that violent crimes happened two to three times more frequently during high summer in both hemispheres. In contrast, non-violent offences were distributed evenly throughout the year and showed no seasonal rhythm or link with the amount of daylight hours.

Next, the team turned to the timing of the outbreaks of wars, and a similar pattern was found. North of the Equator, there was a peak in August and a nadir in December and January.

The brain-chemical mechanism that could be at work in these instances is not known, but the prime suspect is serotonin. Aggressive soldiers tend to have lower levels of the neurotransmitter, as do murderers and people who commit suicide.

Short-sighted people are more intelligent

Myopia is partly down to genes. But if so, how has it survived evolutionary pressures? Any hunter-gather with poor vision would not have survived long in the hostile Palaeolithic age.

Researchers at Queen Mary Hospital and the University of Hong Kong found that the genes involved in myopia survived because they have a role in intelligence. The idea is that intelligence and myopia go together because the growth of both the brain and the eyes has a common genetic base. Crucially, the genes responsible for myopia have to be turned on by an environmental trigger. In the distant past, that trigger was not around, so our ancestors benefited from superior intelligence, but did not have the handicap of being short-sighted .

And the environmental trigger? Well, hunter-gathers never read; it may be reading, especially when young, may be the trigger.

Jet lag triggers mental illness

Researchers at the Hebrew University, and Hadassah Medical School in Israel, say the possibility of a connection between jet lag and psychiatric disorders has been underestimated, and suggest it could trigger existing or new cases of affective disorders such as depression, anxiety disorder or panic attacks.

Just how jet lag could trigger new episodes of mental illness is not clear, but, again, the hormone melatonin could be the villain. Because it is a key player in the regulation of the circadian cycle, changes of circadian rhythm and melatonin secretion abnormalities have been linked to a number of mental disorders. The researchers cite studies suggesting that abnormal melatonin metabolism may be directly related to schizophrenia. It’s also suggested that sleep deprivation affects melatonin production and may be linked to manic episodes.

An allergy to beef causes gulf war syndrome

For years, doctors and scientists have been puzzling over the cause of the wide range of symptoms found in soldiers returning from the first Gulf War.

Chemical warfare agents, particularly nerve gas, as well as post-traumatic stress disorder, smoke from oil well fires, pesticides, depleted uranium weapons, and exposure to solvents and corrosive liquids, have all been investigated, but no convincing links were found.

So what else could be responsible for Gulf War syndrome? According to researchers at Johns Hopkins University, an allergy to beef is to blame. It’s suggested that when soldiers were immunised against various bugs and toxins before and during the conflict, they may have accidentally acquired an allergy to burgers and steaks. Beef products used in the preparation of the vaccines may have sensitised the troops to beef protein.

So, when they went back home and were again exposed to burgers, steaks and other beef products, they developed the classic symptoms of Gulf War syndrome: fatigue, rashes, muscle and joint pains, headache, loss of memory, shortness of breath, and stomach and breathing problems.

Gulf War syndrome is a significant health problem. At least 12 per cent of Gulf War veterans are now receiving some form of disability compensation.

Source for Story:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/medical-myths-strange-but-true-397645.html

Live Longer with Love in Your Life

admin — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 19:49:09 +0000

Love is the most powerful emotion you will ever experience, and studies show that while you are feeling it, endorphins and immune cells are produced in great number, boosting your health and longevity. For Valentine’s Day, share love and health with the special people in your life and lengthen your years.

1. Love = a Healthy Heart

Many studies have shown that relationships play a role in heart health. A study from the University of Texas Research, conducted with rabbits, found that love can reduce plaque buildup in your arteries, helping reduce overall risk of heart attack. In this study, rabbits were fed an artery-blocking diet, and some of the rabbits received love and affection while the others received none. The surprising results revealed that the rabbits given tender loving care had 60% less plaque buildup than their counterparts.

2. Get an Immune Boost with Love

Love in your life might just save you from the flu. One study showed that a five-minute episode of feeling genuine care or compassion enhanced the whole immune system, causing a gradual climb in secretory immunoglobulin A (IgA), your body’s natural antibody against colds, flu, and other invading germs. Even watching movies about love or altruism, petting a fluffy animal pal, and practicing selfless service for others has been shown to increase levels of IgA.

3. Keep in Touch with Your Loved Ones

Human touch, long recognized as a powerful healing technique, increases your body’s production of endorphins, growth hormone, and DHEA, all of which lengthen your life span and lower the negative impact of stress. In fact, studies have found that unconscious patients who are regularly touched recover faster than those who are not touched. Researchers have also observed that orphaned babies stop growing and even die from the lack of touch and love. So hug, cuddle, and massage your loved ones to live longer.

4. Connect with Friends to Increase Your Lifespan

Humans have depended on one another for survival since time immemorial, and indeed, many studies have found that even today, people rich in social and community support are more likely to live longer than those with weak social connections. Even people with unhealthy lifestyles tend to live longer than people lacking in social and community support. According to a study recently put out by Brigham Young University, spending time with friends has an extremely positive effect on health and can cut your risk of an early death in half. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, the research team’s head said that lacking in social relationships “was equivalent to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.” If you find yourself spending most of your time alone, reach out. Offer to babysit for family members or join groups of people who share similar interests and gather together in person. Feel your presence in the world and make it felt by others.

5. Prescription for Longevity: A Happy Marriage

Research has confirmed that happily married couples live, on average, four years longer than single people. According to one study, nearly 100 percent of male centenarians are married or have only recently been widowed. Psychologists attribute the increased life span to the sense of interconnectedness with another human being. Studies have indicated that a happy marriage improves your mood, positively affects your dietary decisions, and leads to a larger social network of friends — three major factors of longevity. People in a marriage also tend to take better care of each other; and feeling that someone would care for you in times of illness appears to increase the sense of security about the future, cutting back on stress.

Studies suggest that the longer a marriage lasts, the greater the rewards. These days, there are many forms of spouse-like relationships that may benefit in similar ways. But not all relationships positively affect our health. Other research has found that marriage problems may increase risk for heart disease by 34% and tend to result in a lower survival rate in women with breast cancer.

Bonus tip: If you have recently ended a relationship, you can strengthen your spirit with affirmations and invocations. Consider listening to Invocations for Health, Longevity, and Healing a Broken Heart, a powerful set of guided invocations.

6. Healthy Loving Lengthens Your Life Span

Healthy sex, nature’s fountain of youth, raises your levels of endorphins, DHEA, and growth hormone, which increase longevity. At the same time, sex lowers levels of the stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol, which decrease your life span. A Duke University study showed that women who were happy with their sex lives could live up to eight years longer compared with women who were indifferent to their sex lives. While healthy loving adds years to your life, it also takes years off your face, making you actually look younger. Studies show that people who are highly satisfied with their sex life looked 4 to 7 years younger than their peers. This results from reduced stress, greater happiness, and better sleep. So before you invest in a costly makeover, try improving your sex life.

If love equals health, how to manifest love? Begin by loving yourself. For your relationships, share your time, energy, and self with your loved ones. Look for ways to give back and make them happy. For instance, you might cook a meal or do the dishes as a pleasant surprise. Or you might send them a card, listing their many special qualities. It does not need to be elaborate or expensive, but it should show that you care and appreciate them. As you give freely of your love, you will receive meaningful love in return.

You can find many more ways that love helps you live to 100 in Secrets of Longevity: Hundreds of Ways to Live to Be 100, which is now available on Kindle. If you are interested in a structured longevity program, check out my new book Secrets of Longevity 8-Week Program, a journal that will transform your health and lengthen your years.

I invite you to visit often and share your own personal health and longevity tips with me.

Courtesy of Dr.Mao

Love Means Having to Say you’re Sorry

admin — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 17:23:11 +0000

You cannot have a rewarding relationship if you continue to hold on to things that happened in the past.

Our relationships are strengthened or weakened by hundreds of small actions and communications we share with each other.

When we are paying attention and offer help, empathy or thanks for something, it strengthens our relationships.

Insults, neglect and ignoring, whether intentional or not, create a breach in relationships.

As an example, when your spouse, your child or your friend expects you to be there for him and you ignore, neglect or forget them, that creates a breach in the relationship.

This can then lead to resentment by the offended party, who then becomes less caring and trustful, which may start downward cycle which may lead to a most unwanted long-term negative effect on the relationship.

An important method of repairing that relationship is apology. You can help reconnect and heal a wound with an authentic apology. Marital therapists report that authentic apology is a very important feature of a healthy marriage.

Psychologists have reported that there are differences in how males and females see and experience apologies. A woman apologizes to maintain a relationship and feels good about her efforts, yet when a man apologizes; he ends up feeling a sense of loss. Women appreciate the benefit of reconnecting with someone whose feelings have been hurt, whereas men view the apology as a loss of face.

For a man, it is admitting he did something wrong, which is an affront to his ego. Men are more conscious of their status and how their position of power is perceived. Whereas a woman can feel enriched by the strengthening of the relationship after her apology, a man can often be left with the feeling of being diminished after he apologizes.

Apologizing is important in all relationships, whether in parenting or business or other areas of our lives. People are sometimes reluctant to apologize for the same reason men hesitate to apologize. A parent or a boss may be concerned with a loss of status. Yet not apologizing when it is warranted gives the impression that your status is more important to you than your relationship is with the other person. As parent or executive you also put yourself in the position of losing credibility by not apologizing. Often, you need to apologize because you have violated a principle or standard that you expected the other person to uphold. By not apologizing for your violation, you are coming across as hypocritical and holding to a double standard. The message you convey is: It is okay for me to violate it but not you.

The result is that you end up losing both credibility and respect.

So how should you apologize? The first step in apologizing is to acknowledge the wrongful act you did and say sorry. You need to begin by using the first person singular and saying, “I was wrong and I am sorry.” Second is to acknowledge that you have hurt the other person’s feelings. Say, “I was wrong and I am sorry that I have hurt your feelings.” You have to connect what you did to the hurt feelings of the other person.

Next step is to express your remorse and regret in an authentic manner and state your intention not to repeat what you did and to make an effort to act differently. And lastly, to offer to make amends by saying, “What can I do to make it up to you?” If you are the offended party, it is as important for you to forgive as it is for the offender to apologize. A healthy, loving relationship is not possible without forgiveness. You cannot have a loving and rewarding relationship if you continue to hold (begrudgingly) on to things that happened in the past. Without forgiving, it means you are holding on to feelings of resentment and blame, which is very unhealthy for a good relationship.

Letting go of resentment and bitterness is a particularly difficult challenge for people after a divorce. They easily fall into blaming their ex-spouse for all their perceived hurt and misery.

This interferes with their ability to take charge of their life and move forward. I once had a client who was stuck in such a place and I eventually got him to see things differently by getting him to agree that it was of his own volition that he chose to marry his former spouse in the first place. Therefore he had to take responsibility for his role in both the marriage and its breakup. To withhold forgiveness is to remain feeling like a victim.

Psychologists have long emphasized the health benefits of letting go of grudges and bitterness even without the second party apology. Such health benefits include less stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain and lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse.

There are even those who advocate initiating forgiveness. You can offer it as a gift to the person who has hurt you, especially in the case of a close, loving relationship. Strengthening your relationships comes from being able to forgive.

Dr. Mann is a clinical psychologist and certified life coach who helps teenagers, adults and executives achieve positive goals.

Trying to Map Love and Hate in the Brain

admin — Wed, 29 Sep 2010 00:32:59 +0000

Researchers in Britain used brain imaging to map what happens when people look at photos of individuals they hate, or individuals they neither cared for or hated.
(ABCNews.com)Researchers in Britain used brain imaging to map what happens when people look at photos of individuals they hate, or individuals they neither cared for or hated.

Seventeen people in the study brought in photos of their ex-girlfriends, co-workers, acquaintances and despised public figures. When a photo of their enemy appeared, researchers using functional MRI found a distinctive pattern in the brain.

The researchers, professors Semir Zeki and John Romaya of the Wellcome Laboratory of Neurobiology at the University College of London, called the pattern a “hate circuit.”

Researchers also found that some activation of the “hate circuit” in the insular part of the brain was remarkably similar to a previous “love circuit” they found.

I Am Loving and Capable

admin — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 23:03:52 +0000

First in a series by life coach Barry Eisen:

The EXPERIMENT:

On each child in the 3rd grade class, Ann, the teacher, pinned a round, construction paper badge with the capital letters IALAC. IALAC is an acronym for “I Am Loving And Capable.” The kids’ discussion about IALAC considered how typical daily stuff, activities and interactions, could be better with that idea remembered at times of need.

The kids enthusiastically agreed that they could do everything better if they came from a mind-place of of IALAC: They laughed at images, “If I am really ‘Loving,’ I can be more patient when my dog throws up… or when my little sister grabs my stuff. If I am really ‘Capable,’ I can master my times-tables even though they’re hard for me.” The excitement of accessing a whole idea in a single word that could really alleviate their days’ stresses inspired even the most reticent to at least give it a go. The best part was that IALAC didn’t need to be cleaned, brushed or packed or refolded. Talk about Simple, Fun and Magical!

Parents were sent a note engaging their support for the game which had only 2 rules:

1. The IALAC badge was to be worn at all times for a week.

2. At any time that the child did not feel or behave Loving or Capable, the child was to tear a little piece of off the badge.

So, each time a child got angry, frustrated or out of control as a result of what that kid perceived someone else had done or how something had happened, regardless of who the culprit was or what inspired the feeling, the badge had to be made smaller. A piece of the badge removed reminded of a shift away from IALAC.

That was it.

The OUTCOME:

When Ann and the class were ready for their week review, the badges told a powerful story. Here was this recently excited group of kids now wearing safety pins with tiny, sad, tattered remnants of their original IALAC badges. Each child was given an opportunity to share her personal tales of woe and justification for the mutilation of his once round and intact badge. Stories ranged from those who were so hard on themselves that they tore their IALAC badges as a result of guilt and even self loathing, to those finger-pointers whose sad tales identified perceived abuse and shattered entitlement. ”I was mean to Mommy.” “My brother did ‘it’ so I smacked him and then I got in trouble… My sister wouldn’t stop. I got angry and started screaming… I had to go to bed too early and started crying.” Lots of stories. Some anger. Lots of frustration. Some tears. Lots of laughter. Given legitimate license to complain, the kids’ turns to share became a game of “Can You Bottom This?”

With the stories reported of the tragedies that had befallen the innocent and the guilty, and the emotions released, Ann astutely shifted the experience with one question for each child to answer, “Who tore up your badge?”

The LESSON:

Sure, some kids had someone who reached over and snagged a piece, but the single answer and its message were clear, “I did.” No one does nearly as good a job of tearing-up our self-image as we do. And the “we” is really “I.” It is I who polishes or shreds my own chosen sense of self, my loving and capability.

So aren’t we still those kids with the same choices for self in every instance? Isn’t it easy to agree? And are we diligently and consistently remembering, vigilantly protecting, and automatically acting out this belief that I am responsible for my decisions and protecting the power of IALAC? Are we clear that in all our actions, just like the kids’, we have the same choices ranging from being oblivious of our own responsibility to being overly hard on ourselves as if we were somehow to be perfect at all things our first time? There is not one other soul out there who is nearly as capable of damaging our self image as we, as I, am.

The EVIDENCE:

Think about the last 3-5 events in which you were pulled from your highest self and mutilated IALAC. They’re easy to spot: Look at your motions (acts) and emotions (feelings). Who or what got credited or blamed for the stuff for which you are culpable?

• Did you celebrate your successes or attribute them outside yourself?

• Did you blame the stuff that happened on another, the weather, the market, the product?

Think back further to the injustices that your belief tells you were done TO you.

If you combine these experiences, just like the kids were asked to do, with IALAC, can you see where your perception of the events shifts?

From credit to culpability, we have all likely, at times, forgotten to celebrate ourselves for acts of IALAC that we judged as too small or unworthy, and certainly we all have had real wrongs and injustices perpetrated against us. Even here, we remain responsible for the perspective we hold. As my wife always reminds, “It’s never what happens that matters, but how we view it that empowers or disenfranchises us from out power.” Maybe as you look at your history, you find your internal self screaming “Noooo!,” resisting onus and pointing elsewhere, “It was my dad .. my mom, my boss, colleague, that evil coach, frenemy, teacher.. or ‘Joe-Shmo’ who did it TO me..” Really? Go ahead, point a finger and notice that as the one goes out, three are pointing back at you.

Years after the incident is over, or the people are gone, who is it carrying on that voice of disapproval and discontent? It is the I. Who’s really tearing up the badge? I am. Who’s really creating the ulcer? Hello-o. It’s our own inner voice doing the dirty damage. It’s our chosen perception and inner repetition of the script that establishes certainty, a BELIEF, of the story’s meaning. Whether that meaning is “I can’t catch a ball, I’m not a good speaker” when we deny ourselves credit, or “Johnny did it” when we absolve ourselves of guilt, the repeated lies we tell ourselves gain certainty and shape our next decisions.

The POSSIBILITIES:

Boundless. Here lies our power.

Did some of those kids think the experiment was dumb? Good chance.

And did others get it in a way that raised their power and shifted their lives forever? Quite likely.

So here’s the acid-test: Whether you believe you were the kid who got it or resisted it.. who’s got your back today? If I could show you a way that builds your IALAC mechanism from wherever you are, would you be willing to “put on the badge.”

All it takes to roll on with old stories or replace the racket with new beliefs that serve you to your highest is this: a DECISION. Then that decision needs to be repeated just like the old limitations were. You’re already expert at buying your own stories… so make the stories what you want.

The UNDERSTANDINGS:

• The world is impersonal, without attitude or intention.

• There is no stress other than what we attach to events or people.

• There is no comfort other than what we attach to events or people.

• We have choice. We may go kicking and screaming or go in joy to the same event.

• We choose our self-image. We are neither victims nor beneficiaries except as we choose to view our world.

• The voice in our head (the one that may have just asked “What voice?”) is our own even when we dress it in memories and voices of others.

The I Am Loving and Capable LIFESKILLS:

Practice these positive skills consistently and you enlarge your ability to attract. Remember – your limitations were learned through emotion and repetition. Use emotion and repetition to instill your unlimited breadth, beauty and brilliance.

1. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to say “I know that.” What you think you know is distancing you from what you are capable of learning. How much of what we know is attached to the yesterday’s self image? If you’re not getting the answer you need, ask better questions. Asking questions at all in areas where you thought “I already know” shifts everything.

2. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to jump to conclusions. When you’re not sure why, slow down. Breathe. Ask questions. Instead of approaching with “You’re wrong,” use, “I’m confused by that” and calmly state your reason. Be interested in the now. The people, the place, the feeling may seem similar to another time but it is a different moment. Stay open to a different result.

3. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to hit the anger or frustration button. Take a breath and relax.

4. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to see other’s limitations. See others as capable. Encourage the best. Believe others can. If they reach and fall, they’ll be further than they would have had they not stretched.

5. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to brush off your own accomplishments as small, inconsequential or undeserving. We build on our successes. Daily recognizing something “small” as of value creates 365 points of new power each year. What if 5% of those upgrade your life?

6. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to brush off courtesy and respect. Too tired for hello, please, thank you? Consciously create the world in which you place yourself. Your environment will mirror your behavior.

7. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to hear selectively or not at all. Pay attention and really concentrate on hearing others. What’s really being said?

8. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to be defensive. Listen impartially… as if what’s being said about you is being said about someone else. Don’t attach. Notice if there’s a lot, a little, or none of what’s said that fits. Even if none, be willing to say calmly, “That’s interesting. It doesn’t feel right, but I’ll consider if there’s something in there for me.” If others are sincere and you disagree this way, they’ll feel acknowledged. If they are insincere, they’ll be astounded as you haven’t allowed your buttons to be pushed.

9. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to anticipate stress, misery, failure, traffic. Replacing the anticipation of misery with openness and curiosity may not change the traffic, but it changes the damage to your body that negative anticipation creates. Remember that the mind doesn’t distinguish between real and imagined. Think anxiety and your body functions in stress.

10. Think IALAC when your tendency has been to be so serious that you miss the pleasure. Have fun. This game of life is yours in which to perform. Embrace the moments.

11. Think IALAC and decide that the choices you make today will make a positive difference. Don’t let anyone, including you, diminish your IALAC badge (your self esteem). You are loving and capable… well, soon as you choose them.

Yes, these are the same skills shared with the children. Aren’t we, as adults, as much in need of reinforcing the good stuff?

Of course, for those of you who have learned self-hypnosis from me, see and feel yourself in a session of relaxation, coming from IALAC in each of your tasks for quick and deep learning. If you’d like me to make a new personal CD for you with your current goals, please email or contact me personally at my office.

For everyone: please call or email me to set up a no-obligation, test drive, coaching session. (Approximately 1/2 hour on the phone.) Amazing things happen when two minds focus with combined knowledge, wisdom and experience to solve problems or create new visions. Make this fourth quarter of the year amazing.

Warmest Regards,

Barry Eisen

www.BarryEisen.com

Having a Pet Can Help You Stay Healthy

admin — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:22:53 +0000

KANSAS CITY – Having a pet in your life can help you stay hale and hearty, say researchers.

Owning a four-legged, furry pet would help lower blood pressure, encourage exercise and also improve psychological health.

“Pets are of great importance to people, especially during hard economic times,” said Rebecca Johnson, associate professor from University of Missouri College of Veterinary Medicine Research Center for Human-Animal Interaction (ReCHAI).

“Pets provide unconditional love and acceptance and may be part of answers to societal problems, such as inactivity and obesity,” she added.

In a study sponsored by ReCHAI, ‘Walk a Hound, Lose a Pound and Stay Fit for Seniors’, a group of older adults were matched with shelter dogs, while another group of older adults were partnered with a human walk buddy.

For 12 weeks, participants were encouraged to walk on an outdoor trail for one hour, five times a week.

“The older people who walked their dogs improved their walking capabilities by 28 percent,” said Johnson.

“They had more confidence walking on the trail, and they increased their speed.

“The older people who walked with humans only had a 4 percent increase in their walking capabilities.

“The human walking buddies tended to discourage each other and used excuses such as the weather being too hot,” she added.

The researchers will explore the many ways animals benefit people of all ages during the International Society for Anthrozoology and Human-Animal Interaction Conference in Kansas City, Mo., on Oct. 20-25.

“Research in this field is providing new evidence on the positive impact pets have in our lives,” said Johnson.

“This conference will provide a unique opportunity to connect international experts working in human-animal interaction research with those already working in the health and veterinary medicine fields.

“A wonderful array of presentations will show how beneficial animals can be in the lives of children, families and older adults,” she added.

Broken Heart ‘Ups Heart Attack Risk’

admin — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 22:04:29 +0000

Broken Heart ‘Ups Heart Attack Risk’

LONDON – A broken heart can prove to be a serious health threat, say Australian researchers who found that people mourning the loss of a loved one are six times more likely to suffer cardiac arrest.

As per a Heart Foundation study of the physical changes suffered immediately after a profound loss, grieving people were at significantly higher risk of heart problems, said lead researcher Thomas Buckley.

The study was conducted to “shed fresh light on why people traumatized by the loss of a loved one are more susceptible to having a heart attack”, reports The Daily Express.

A team at the University of Sydney, Australia, studied 80 bereaved adults to reach the conclusion.

Lead author Dr Thomas Buckley said: “Emotional and mood changes were greatest during this time.

“Overall, the bereaved had -increases in anxiety, depression and anger, with elevated stress hormones and -reduced sleep and appetite.

“They also showed increases in blood pressure and heart rate, – together with immune and blood -clotting changes – all changes that could contribute to a heart attack.”

The study was published in the -Internal Medicine Journal.